Nine and Counting

Six months later, I'm posting this. Oops...started something and it didn't get completed. I wanted to write more, but summer is just too busy. So here it is. Lucky me and my man!


Wow, things do change in nine years. Our nine year anniversary rolled around last week. My husband reminded me the day before! Can you believe it? How could I forget? I was a little preoccupied with preparing to sing at a funeral. You know you're bogged down in family life when you pay a baby-sitter so your date can constitute going to a funeral. A good family friend from our church passed away and I was asked to sing. So we got dressed up and went hand-in-hand to the funeral. I almost felt guilty being so excited to be going out (to a funeral), without the kids, and with my husband.
A lot has happened in our nine years together.

Pokey Beh-ah

Happy Independence Day! Today was cloudy and gray. We had rain this morning all the way up to parade time. We usually have an hour parade...even out in the middle of "nowhere." The only road that runs through our town is closed off for an hour. I'm sure there are some really irritated RV drivers.

The girls were so excited to get out of church and go to the parade. It didn't take Natalie long to figure out how to pick up candy. Our parade consists of the usual fire trucks and police cars. Most of the other floats or entries come from local businesses.

The Division of Forestry always brings Smokey the Bear. Natalie spotted him a long way off and came running for me to pick her up. She buried her head in my shoulder and started shaking. I walked off the road a ways so she wasn't close when Smokey passed by. When we were far enough away, she was able to turn around and get a look. Later during dinner, Natalie kept talking about Pokey Beh-ah. I didn't get it until she shook her head, then said "like Pokey Beh-ah." She didn't like Smokey the Bear. She told me that he had shoes, a hat and pants on. After that, everything was "Pokey" this or "Pokey" that. He definately made an impression. I sure hope she doesn't wake up with nightmares tonight.

Later tonight we tried to watch the fireworks on TV. We called the girls in and tried to get them excited about them, but they just didn't get it. They have asked why we don't do fireworks on the fourth of July. With having light practically all night, there's no way that we would be able to see the fireworks even if we didn't get to do them. Many people up here do them for New Years (if they can afford them). That time of year we could see them at 4pm if we chose. (This is the land of the extremes.)

I do enjoy thinking back of our nation's birthday and it's beginning, the courageous forefathers that brought up our country and all that our "young" country has been through. I also think of the "rise and fall" of nations. "America, America, God shed his grace on thee." We sure do need it.

A New Baby!

Look who's getting all the attention! Grandpa's horse, Lady, had a baby last night. The girls were so excited and couldn't stop asking how big the baby horse would be. Tonight we went down to see the little filly. They were enthralled. Jessie couldn't keep her hands off of her. Natalie was so eager to get a touch of the soft foal. The girls played with her so long they wore her out. It was adorable.

Perpetual Ring-Around-The-Tub Season

The girls love to play with their brother so I just had to add this cute picture.

Oh, the mud! We haven't had any rain to speak of since the snow melted in April, but that hasn't kept the girls from creating their own mud. Natalie has figured out how to turn on the outdoor water spicket.

We have a bare dirt spot out back that the girls have taken opportunity to make their mud pies in. I've seen them out there sifting the dirt through wicker baskets, pouring water on the dust to make mud and planting "picked flower gardens." Yes, they pick the wildflowers and then plant them in the dirt to make their own garden. The flowers don't last very long, but then it doesn't take the girls long to move onto something else anyway.

Tim's latest project is building a treehouse for the kids...or, maybe a treestand for hunting bear down our hill. The girls are really excited for the finished product. It's being built on top of the steep hill at the edge of the property. I've climbed the ladder to hold board for screwing and it's really up there. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed that Tim wouldn't fall as he's climbing up there and balancing on those boards. I'll show more on the progress.

I couldn't finish without a "Jessieism." Anyone know what a "hunting-house" is? Jess was telling the story of going hunting with her dad last Fall and said, "And, we got to stay in a 'hunting-house'." (Motorhome!)

Heidi and Jess were watching a program about dinosaurs today on TV. Natalie must have seen something that scared her and she came into the room I was in and said, "Roar, Roar. Jessie, Heidi...no! Roar, Roar...off!" So I went in and told the older girls to turn the TV off. Then Natalie came back and pointed to the TV and said, "Ball gamie on...ball gamie, eh?" Can you tell what she thinks is a safe thing to watch? A girl after her daddy's heart

Happy Half-Birthday

We've been blessed with a half a year with our little guy. I started this post on his half-birthday, but am just now completing it.

Craig had his six month appointment and weighed in at a "whoppin'" 13#, 9 oz. (Not even on the charts.) He was 25-1/2 inches long. The doctor came in and said, "Wow, you have a lite-weight here!" What can I say, this boy is made from the same mold as his sisters. He eats, sleeps and is happy, but guess he needs a little more. So we've started to convince him that eating from a spoon can be just as yummy as eating from mommy. Craig hasn't really figured out that you open your mouth wide when you want a bite. He sticks his neck out and gives us a little crack in his mouth to put the food into. He looks like a turtle. It didn't take long for Craig to figure out that doing the raspberries with food in your mouth gets a good reaction from onlookers. So far he's tried mixed grain cereal and bananas. Of course, bananas go down better. (As I finish this, our little guy has developed a good appetite for spoon-feeding and is opening his mouth well. He's had cereal, bananas, and sweet potatoes-which produced a funny face. Of course Dad had to put in his two cents worth about his feelings about sweet potatoes.)

Our boy is sitting up now. He looks so grown up. Craig has gotten his first sit in the grass...and he wasn't impressed when he fell over backwards. He's been initiated to Alaskan life by getting his first mosquito bites. It's inevitable, but doesn't seem to bother little ones until they're about two. (Natalie scratches like crazy.) He has fun playing in the grass as long as the sun isn't in his eyes and he doesn't get too hot. Yes, we've hit 80 degrees here. Seems like we went from winter to summer...fast.

I've caught our little man leaning over from sitting and staying on his hands and knees for a little bit as he stretches for a toy. Eventually he's on his tummy, swimming like a champ. So far, Craig hasn't done a lot of rolling. He likes sleeping on his side or his back. He can roll over, but just doesn't feel the need right now, I guess.

Craig's found his lungs and love to screech. Between Natalie and him, I should have ringing in my ears.

Our fourth little blessing is so happy and healthy, how can we keep from thanking God for the past six months.

Sincerely Yours, Mom

Eleven years ago this month I came to Alaska completely and totally single and uninhibited. Little did I know that God had big plans for the next eleven years. I would have never dreamed that I would be married with four beautiful children this year. God is so good.

I remember becoming a mother for the first time. Heidi was born in March and I learned that as a mother I had such strong emotion envelope and control me. I totally felt like a mother bear when I left that hospital with my new little "cub." No one and nothing was going to get between me and my precious offspring! I'm a pretty even keeled person...usually and experiencing this type of emotion was new and strange to me. I never thought I could love another as much as my little Heidi.

When I found out I was pregnant with Jessica, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to love her as much as my flamboyant Heidi. It just didn't seem possible to share all those emotions with two. But then my little butterball of joy showed up. She was such a snuggler and we soon grew to love each other just as much. Those maternal instincts showed up once again. Heidi was two and she pressed the limits like any two-year-old. I remember feeling as though I could take my firstborn out of this world as she did some of those crazy two-year-old things (like putting Cheerios in a two week old's mouth, tying a jump rope around her neck and others I can't remember). I couldn't believe that this love-hate feeling could exist. What kind of a mother was I?

My third pregnancy lasted only for twelve short weeks. I was surprised at how quickly my joy of being pregnant could end in strong grief of losing that child.

It wasn't long after that miscarriage that I was expecting our little Natalie. In my previous pregnancies, we had chosen to not find out the sex of our children. We like the element of surprise but this time opted to take a peek into our baby's gender. When they told us we were having another girl during our 19 week ultrasound, I can't deny that I was disappointed. I longed to have a boy. I thought my husband deserved a boy. I had brothers and liked boys. But I had two girls and was beginning to get in touch with my feminine side so what was one more girl. Plus we had all the girl things anyway, right?!

Natalie arrived and our lives were sent into a flurry of emotion. As we found out Natalie's grave condition, I was torn seeing her leave for Seattle without having time to bond with her. I felt guilty not having bonded with her more when she was in utero. I was consumed with my older two girls and hadn't really spent the time to imagine and dream about Natalie as much. Maybe it had something to do with my irritation of having another girl. Regardless, my love for her grew as I prepared to leave Heidi and Jessica and be reunited with her at a week old. Those weeks of separation turned into months and I was longing to fill my arms with the love of my older two girls. I wasn't able to satisfy this longing with little Natalie as she lay intubated in the cardiac ICU. It was very different to go from a busy mom of two preschoolers to not having anything occupy my arms. I was so used to carrying diaper bags and carrying children. I found myself carrying around a backpack of items that I thought I'd use as I waited the hours in the ICU for Natalie to get better. Usually the backpack was never unloaded as I just stared at the sweet eyes of my daughter.

Six weeks after Natalie was born, I could take it no longer and flew back to Alaska to see my family. I felt like I had an "Alaskan family" and a "Seattle family." The two didn't mesh. They hadn't met and so the resolution of my turmoil continued. On my trip, I told Tim that I felt as though we could drive back to Glennallen and I could probably go on with life and never even know that I was pregnant if I hadn't been pumping breast milk for Natalie. I just longed to have the comfortableness of our family back together again.

Those dreams were realized two months later when we were finally able to bring Natalie home for the first time. I was on cloud nine. I didn't care how much work it was to give her all of her medications, deal with pumping and fortifying her milk, teach her how to use a bottle and then feed the rest of what she didn't eat into her g-tube, set up physical therapy appointments and take her to doctor's appointments. My baby was home and we were a family. We didn't know what the future would hold, but for the moment we were family.

As our home life became more "normal" and Natalie began to get caught up to her age level expectations, I was able to enjoy the rest of my family more. Heidi started kindergarten and was growing up into such a little lady. Natalie turned one year old and her health was no longer at the complete for-front of my mind. It seemed like we could take a little breath as a family and think of the future.

Tim and I started dreaming and the baby bug bit again. I didn't want to have just three girls. I knew one would always be left out. Since we'd already had three girls, I figured I was destined to have girls and was ready for another one. As we conceived another child, we just prayed for a healthy child, but above all prayed for God's grace to raise whatever child he chose to give us. God had brought me past the fear of having a child with a disability. He had showed himself faithful in every circumstance to meet my needs and the needs of my family.

So when He chose to give us a boy for our fourth living child, our total surprise turned to amazement at our Heavenly Father's ways. He knew my hearts desire. He took me through places that were dark and grim-places that I thought I'd never be able to handle. He took me there to show me that He wanted me to let Him walk this road with me. I've heard often that God's ways (plans) are higher than my ways. In my heart I may make a plan, but it's God who directs my path.

Every time I look down at the sweet little face of my son, I realize that God's goodness is so overflowing. He's not done showing me the extent of His goodness either. He has given me the opportunity to love, protect and guide these four beautiful children. Right now my life is filled with settling arguements, changing diapers, producing bandaids for hangnails, placing pigtails in the right spot, laundering clothes and hoping they stay folded by the time they get to the drawers, cooking mostly nutritious meals only to hear that they don't meet expectations, trying to remember to take Heidi to her piano lessons and asking that their clothes be picked up FOR THE LAST TIME, only to find Natalie has just emptied all of Craig's clothes out of his drawer. The list goes on. When I think I just can't take any more, I need to remember to take His hand for He is walking with me...on this journey called life...the life of a mother. I love it!

Dual Diapering Diva

My husband has always wanted to have twins. His dad is a twin and for some reason it is appealing to him. I'm thankful that God decided to give us just one at a time. I'm not sure I could handle twins at this stage of the game. Dual diapering now is keeping me busy and keeping us in the poorhouse. Natalie isn't quite to the point that I want to try potty training yet. She is a wonderful help getting diapers and wipes. She even tries to help change the baby's diaper sometimes. But in reality she doesn't communicate well enough or have the desire to sit down on the potty long enough to give it a go. So for now, I guess I'm the Dual Diapering Diva.